How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Title: How to Win Friends and Influence People
Author: Dale Carnegie
Published: 1936
Genre: Nonfiction: self-help
Pages: 283
Rating: **
how to win friendsThis grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to “the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people.” He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person’s point of view and “arousing in the other person an eager want.” You learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offense or arousing resentment. For instance, “let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers,” and “talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.” Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks (from Goodreads).
Thoughts: I first heard of How to Win Friends and Influence People years ago, which isn’t surprising as I think most people have heard of this book at one time or another. I read Quiet last month and it was mentioned briefly in there (and not in a really positive way, truth be told) so when I saw it on the shelf a couple of weeks ago when I went to the library I picked it up.
     How to Win Friends and Influence People was written as a sort of guide book to how to get along with people, especially in the working world. I wasn’t sure really what to expect with this book and, truth be told, I think this one was a mixed bag for me. There’s a lot of good but common sense advice in here. Carnegie writes in a quick, straight forward manner, and his tips all make sense. That being said, I’m not sure if all that was written in here needed to be included. There are four sections of the book and each chapter reveals a principle that Carnegie believes is important in dealing with other people and communicating effectively. This is a;; well and good, but what I had a problem with was the information given in the chapter themselves. After briefly explaining his point, the rest of the chapter is basically stories from people he has worked with in his seminars telling how that particular principle helped them solve a problem. I just don’t think that reading five or six different scenarios per chapter was really necessary. It also got a big boring after a while. Regardless, Carnegie gives some good advice that I think we all could stand to be reminded of from time to time. I’m going to list them below to– hopefully– help me remember them. After all, I do want to continue to make friends and get along well with the people I come in contact with as I got through my day.
     Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Principle 1
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
Principle 2
Give honest and sincere appreciation
Principle 3
Arouse in the other person and eager want

 

Six Ways to Make People Like You
Principle 1
Become genuinely interested in other people
Principle 2
Smile
Principle 3
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
Principle 4
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
Principle 5
Talk in terms of the other person’s interest
Principle 6
Make the other person feel important– and do it sincerely

 

How to Win People to your Way of Thinking
Principle 1
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
Principle 2
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “Your wrong”
Principle 3
If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
Principle 4
Begin in a friendly way
Principle 5
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately
Principle 6
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
Principle 7
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
Principle 8
Try to honestly see things from the other person’s point of view
Principle 9
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
Principle 10
Appeal to the nobler motives
Principle 11
Dramatize your ideas
Principle 12
Throw down a challenge
Be A Leader
A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitude and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
Principle 1
Begin with praise and honest appreciation
Principle 2
Call attention to people’s mistakes incorrectly
Principle 3
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
Principle 4
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Principle 5
Let the other person save face
Principle 6
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise’
Principle 7
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
Principle 8
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
Principle 9
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
     This is all good advice- I’m just not sure that it was necessary to write 283 pages to get the point across. In other news, I know that I have been absent on this blog lately and only posting reviews as I finish a book and not interacting with anyone. This has been for a couple of reasons which I won’t explain here; maybe I’ll make a post later in the week and update you guys on what I have been doing lately. I must confess that I haven’t checked my feedly for about a month- I’m quite scared at seeing how many blog posts I’ve missed! Anyway, I think I am starting to come back and actually want to blog here again which is good, so hopefully I will be around here more frequently. Lots of love to you guys who are still here and reading my posts!
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About hillarypat

I'm a recent college graduate and this is my blog where I talk about whatever happens to be on my mind- mostly books!
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